Tuesday, November 20, 2012

If I Didn't Know Me, This Post Would Probably Scare Me Off

I was talking with Francesca today… FUCK I just need to make her get her own damn blog since I’m pretty sure every single post I write involves her!  It’s like I have this invisible conjoined twin that I didn’t even know I have until now.

Ok… anyway –

Francesca and I were talking about a myriad of day-to-day things when I mentioned my American Girl Dolls.

Now, now, wait.  I didn’t give up dating just so I could sit at home playing dress up with my dollies.  I promise, I didn’t.

Seriously guys. 

Ok, the closest I get to that is when I’m playing vids and I get to change my warrior’s clothes whenever I want (which, if I’m being honest, is pretty damned often).  But then I run around and slay dragons or scale buildings in a single bound, so I think it balances out.

Anyway, really, let’s get back on topic.

I was at my mom and dad’s house on Sunday for my mom’s birthday and I saw that they had brought my grandma’s American Girl Doll home.  It had been one of the personal effects that had been at the nursing home with her for the last couple of years.  The family decided that I could have it since I am the only granddaughter and also had American Girl Dolls of my own. 

My American Girl Dolls and accessories are sitting in bins in Mom and Dad’s basement storage room, waiting for me to have children of my own someday.  So that was where I figured I would put Grandma’s doll, Samantha, until the time came when they would all see the light of day again and feel the love of a little girl with an imagination to take them on many adventures.

When I went to put Samantha in the container with Kirsten and Illiana (my dolls). I got out all three of them because I couldn’t resist fluffing up their hair and giving them quick hugs before returning them to the box where they would sleep for a little while longer. 

When I mentioned this to Francesca, she mentioned that she’d had a little brother and dogs that never let her keep her dolls in good condition.  I told her how I never even took my dolls outside unless I had something for them to sit upon and always kept them in neat and tidy order.  I began to say it was just a product of my parents teaching me to always care for my things but then I remembered the real reason – I was scared to death of them.

I don’t remember how old I was when I first saw The Puppet Master (that isn't a link to IMDB, that's a link to a really neat-o blog I just found.  You can IMDB it yourselves you lazy pantses).  But I was young.  And I was paranoid, apparently.  I remember feeling like I always had to play with my dolls equally and treat them with the utmost respect, or they could crawl out of my closet in the middle of the night and turn into the monsters from The Puppet Master and drill through my forehead.

(See how I went from a sickeningly sweet moment or reminiscence to a moment of batshit crazy in just 3 paragraphs?)

Which lead me to thinking about all of the things I’m thankful for!  So, in keeping with the spirit of the season here is a list of things that I’m thankful for - with a little twist.

Seven Things From My Nightmares That I’m Thankful Never Came True:

1. That my dolls never turned into the dolls from The Puppet Master.  I think this one pretty much speaks for itself.

2.  That I never had to participate in a Hunger Games style event in a metro area.  This was a crazy ass dream.  From falling in love with people who were trying to kill me, to having to figure out which people in this metro area were part of the game and which ones were innocent bystanders (because they didn’t evacuate the city for the games)… Ooofta…

3.  That I never found my mom dead on the kitchen floor.  This dream was horrible.  It was right after I got kicked out of college and was living at home with my parents.  My dad had just started a new job that required him to be out of town during the week.  In my dream I woke up one morning and found her just completely void.  Then I had to call my dad and brother and tell them they had to come home – but I couldn’t tell them why because I wanted them to be able to drive home safely.  When I woke up in real life, I called my mom and told her I loved her.

4.  That I never had to drive across the river on a bridge made of juju bees.  Those little dots of hard jelly candy provide very little traction and have a habit of clogging up your muffler.

5.  That my friends and I were never held hostage in a high school gymnasium by the Saw guy. We were safe as long as we stayed in the gym, but people kept thinking of “bright ideas” to break free.  Then they’d get murdered as we’d all sit back and watch helplessly.

6.  That I never had sex with that coworker/friend/acquaintance who I’ve never been attracted to and actually kind of hate.  What is the point in sex dreams like this?  It’s all like “WOO! Sex dream! Wait… WHAT?!? OH NO! OH GOD NO!!”  But no matter what, you can’t get out of the dream and it just keeps going…  Some times in the dream you'll even really be enjoying yourself which fills you with even more shame and horrible dream-hangover feelings the next day..uzzhgugh

7.  That my hair and teeth never fell out in the course of 15 minutes as I stood in front of my bathroom mirror.  I think everyone has a dream like this as least one time, right? *shudder*Terrible.

I’ll be thankful for more normal things on Thursday.  I promise. 

If I don’t see you before then, Happy Thanksgiving to my friends in the US!  If you don’t live in the US, happy almost-the-weekend!

Much Love,
Annie Jay

PS:  So I was totally going to the American Girl Dolls website to link you to pictures of the American Girl Dolls I have (because I knew you would want to see them!) when I found out they don't even make the ones I have anymore! WTF American Girl Doll Company?  20 years is too long to carry a couple of brands of dolls on the market?? Samantha was always the classiest - anyone you replaced her with now is just a washed-up whore.


  1. The teeth one I have all the time!! They start feeling slightly loose and all of a sudden come out one by one until there are big gaps in my mouth! Then I wake up and my teeth (or the area around them, I don't know!) are really really sore for the whole day so I think I must grind them during the nightmare.

    What about the 'going to work/school and realising you're naked or in your pyjamas? Ever had that one?

    No Thanksgiving here in London, instead a whole weekend of being unthankful that I have to spend the weekend studying for an upcoming exam which obviously I'm doing a very good job at while reading blogs...eh...should probably get going but Happy Thanksgiving and I'm thankful I found your blog, it's funny!! :)

    1. I grind my teeth during nightmares too. It's awful to wake up with a sore mouth from a bad dream.

      I don't specifically remember having the naked/pajama dream, but I'm sure I must have had something like it.

      And thank you once again! I'm thankful for readers :-D

  2. I've found something scarier than just dolls coming to life, check the first image in this post: http://twenty-something-sherbet.blogspot.co.uk/

    ...now that would be freakin scary!

    1. EEK! It looks like that doll is going to steal my soul. Terrifying!