The other day my friend,
Javier, told me he is often afraid that our conversations are going to end up
on this blog… I guess he was right!
On Sunday, some friends
met at my place before going out to a hungover post-Halloween-party lunch. Javi was half an hour early. He called me and without even muttering a
greeting he said, “Come unlock your downstairs door already. The sun is really bright.”
So, in the midst of
barrel-curling my hair (you know the look, half of my hair piled
unceremoniously on top of my head in a ratty mess, the other half falling down
my back in too-tight ringlets in desperate need of combing out) I walked down
the stairs in the dark because even the dim stairwell lights were too harsh in
my hungover state. I opened the front
door.
I immediately recoiled
from the light.
I might have even hissed
at it.
“Yeah. I wasn’t lying!” He
said as he pushed through the door and joined me in the safety of the dark
stairwell.
After we trudged up the
stairs, I went back to my routine of getting ready and trying not to puke. Javier paced/sat outside of the
bathroom and talked to me about his dating woes.
Like most of my male
friends, Javi is straight (because having 50 straight males in her life who are
just friends is exactlty what every straight female wants). He’s also well-educated but likes to say the
word “fuck” a lot and drink often. In
short, he’s just like me.
Well… except for the male
part. I’m penis-free.
*ahem*
He’s also mostly
enlightened about equality and not misogynistic. Which is why this statement coming out of his lips caught me so
by surprise:
“I just need a quiet girl
who will do everything I want and won’t fight with me. Is that so much to ask for?” He laughed when I glared at him and he
added, “Please, the thing that sucks about this town is that all of the women I
meet are intelligent and independent as hell.”
I told him they just don’t
make ‘em like they used to and suggested that he go back to 1950 because I’m
sure this town was full of that type of woman back then. Then we talked a little bit about time
travel (because I’m an easily side-tracked nerdy girl) but eventually it came
back around to the idea of relationships.
“Every woman I meet wants
a man who is the same way – willing to do everything she says he should do
without question. We all want a lap
dog.” He said to me.
And he was kind of right,
as far as I was concerned.
Now of course we don’t all
really sit around thinking “If only I could find a mindless automaton to hold
me when I cry and keep me sexually satisfied.”
Well... most of us don’t, anyway.
But there is a certain
truth to the idea that many of us are looking for someone who will fit
perfectly into our already-established lifestyles and habits without us needing
to change or modify or adjust anything we currently do. But of course this is never the case.
When branching out into a
new relationship both parties need to be aware that changes and compromises are
going to have to happen on both sides – because we aren’t all just
mindless sex-bots designed solely for the purpose of giving blow-j’s. We’re thinking, feeling, motivated,
dreaming, wishing, hoping skin sacks that need freedom and stimulation in order
to grow into the totally kickass human beings we’re capable of becoming.
A lot of times when I
start to date someone and he asks me what my plans are for the weekend I panic,
thinking, “How dare he threaten to take up my precious weekend time??”
How absurd is this? I want to be in a relationship but I don’t
want to sacrifice any of my free time to do it. I want a man who will respond to a little copper bell that I can
ring anytime I feel like doing couple-y stuff and leave me alone when I
want to be without him.
*sigh*
What I really need
to find is someone who meshes so well with me, with my friends, with my need
for alone time and together time, that I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing
myself – or at least like the sacrifices I’m making are worth it in the long
run.
Or maybe I just want a
sex-bot.
Much Love,
Annie Jay
I'm sure if anyone has figured out who I am yet their view of me is changing rapidly for the worse.
ReplyDeleteDarling, you're wonderful. I love our conversations, especially when I can make them fodder for my blog :-p
DeletePS - Francesca figured out who you are hehehe
This: "How absurd is this? I want to be in a relationship but I don’t want to sacrifice any of my free time to do it. I want a man who will respond to a little copper bell that I can ring anytime I feel like doing couple-y stuff and leave me alone when I want to be without him." It's like you read my mind. I feel this exact same way lately!
ReplyDeleteOy! We'll get there some day!
DeleteYep. I think the whole willing to give anyone your precious weekend time and personal time only comes when you're really interested in someone. I felt the same way. I protect my time fiercely - especially sleep time - and how dare you think you can just swoop in and take ANY of that! :)
ReplyDeleteExactly, I've gotta be super interested in order to be willing to sacrifice other plans or give up my alone time. My friends mean the world to me and unfortunately, most of the time I'd rather be with them where I know I'll be having a good time than with some dude I barely know who might be weird/boring/uncomfortable to be around. I guess I just have to keep holding out for the right one!
Delete