Before I get into my actual post - I turn 28 in exactly one
week. When I mentioned this to my boss
she said “30 is the new 20, so it’s like you’re turning 18!”
I responded “Sweet! Time to pick up a smoking habit and
start binge drinking on a daily basis!”
I guess I should just stick to 28 ;-)
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Oh, and also, thanks to my fantastically amazing parents I’m
100% done with the Barpartment. I went
from not having a single thing moved to having everything moved and having the
place perfectly cleaned within 4 days. I’ve
gotta say that is the fastest I’ve ever done that – and hope to never have to
do it that fast ever again!
At least now is the better part – the unpacking. My kitchen, bedroom and bathroom have a
pretty good start. Now I just need to
figure out how the heck I’m going to arrange the living/dining spaces so I can
unpack all of the other boxes. Stupid L
shaped living/dining space! You’re too
awkward for how I want to arrange you!
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Ok, now for the real post -
As I said the other day, I was sick as hell last week. I’m still not 100%, but I’m definitely more
on the alive side of life than I was last week.
One thing about unexpectedly taking a week off of work is
that you will suddenly find yourself in the midst of having nothing to do. Plus, feeling like you’re wearing a cement
body suit that doesn’t allow you to move or feel like a living human being also
lends itself to having a lot of couch time.
Also, because the Barpartment was in such a state of chaos from my
impending move, my bedroom was not a peaceful place, so most nights I fell
asleep on my loveseat (which has now gone to furniture heaven).
So I did what I do, and I watched an ass-ton of Netflix
while in the midst of a codine/NyQuil haze.
I watched at least one season of Star Trek the Next
Generation. I’ve been rewatching the
series lately because I haven’t watched STTNG in earnest since I was a
kid. And I’ve finally gotten to the good
seasons! If you’ve never watched STTNG but have a morbid curiousity about what
this whole Star Trek phenomenon is all about, start on Season 3 or 4. I won’t go into too much detail – if you want
to read some awesome Trek reviews check out this awesome blog.
But because my drug-induced state wasn’t good for actual
retention of information, I decided to put STTNG back on the (imaginary) shelf
and I decided to rewatch Bones from the beginning.
I’ve been a fan of this show for a few years now. I love David Boreanaz (yes, because of Buffy and Angel) so when I first saw him acting in a new show I was totally
on board. I watched the first couple of
seasons on Netflix a couple of years ago and have been following the latest
episodes as they come out on Hulu+ ever since then. But I wanted to start again from the
beginning, so that’s what I did this last week.
Needless to say the show has been playing pretty much
nonstop whenever I’m home. Packing? Turn
on the show. Unpacking? Turn on the
show. Cleaning/sitting/doing laundry?
Turn on the show.
I realized a couple of things when I was watching the show.
1. Bones kicks a lot of ass in the first few seasons. I had forgotten how ass-kicky she used to
be. I kind of like it.
2. David Boreanaz is still freaking adorable sexy manliness.
3. Sickness, an excess of cough medicine and a wonky sleep
schedule make me emotional when watching shows that get me in touch with my
feelings. Not like a “The world is shit
and I am shit” kind of emotional, but a “That’s so deep and it’s so beautiful”
kind of emotional.
4. I used to be Angela Montenegro – what happened to
me? Ok, ok, I was never a talented
artist and my dad was never Billy Gibbons, but I used to be that kind-hearted free
spirit.
As stupid as it sounds, the whole thing has got me reconsidering
a lot about the way I’ve been living my life for the last year or so.
Without getting into details, about a year ago I experienced
a major life change. In the long run,
this change is definitely a positive thing, but because of what happened, I
became a very defensive person. I
stopped letting myself feel things. I
stopped letting myself dream of better things, of a better way of life. I stopped living my life for myself and started
living it only to spite someone else.
Yeah, that’s a pretty damn stupid way to live your life.
I need to get back to being the girl who will go and sit for
hours outside and write or read – or who would at least pretend to do those
things and get distracted people-watching instead. I need to get back to being
the girl who would say yes to random invitations instead of staying home to be
alone instead. I need to get back to being the girl who would feel things for
the people around her instead of people the girl who was trying so hard to keep
herself together that she couldn’t waste a moment ot ponder the emotions of
anyone else. I want to be the girl who
isn’t afraid to love someone just because they might hurt her; I want to get
back to being the girl who believes that even if something isn’t meant to be
forever, it can be beautiful for a little while.
I want to be Angela Montenegro again.
Hopefully now that I’ve moved into a new place it will give
me a new view of my life, free from the angst and negative energy that was
associated with my old apartment. It’s
probably silly to place those hopes on a place, but I’m going to go ahead and
be silly again, it’s what I would have done in the past.
Have you ever experienced anything like this? Watched a show and identified so wholly with
a character? Or have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered whose eyes were
staring back at you?
Much love,
Annie Jay
