If I Didn't Know Me, This Post Would Probably Scare Me Off

I was talking with Francesca today… FUCK I just need to make her get her own damn blog since I’m pretty sure every single post I write involves her!  It’s like I have this invisible conjoined twin that I didn’t even know I have until now.

Ok… anyway –

Francesca and I were talking about a myriad of day-to-day things when I mentioned my American Girl Dolls.

Now, now, wait.  I didn’t give up dating just so I could sit at home playing dress up with my dollies.  I promise, I didn’t.

Seriously guys. 

Ok, the closest I get to that is when I’m playing vids and I get to change my warrior’s clothes whenever I want (which, if I’m being honest, is pretty damned often).  But then I run around and slay dragons or scale buildings in a single bound, so I think it balances out.

Anyway, really, let’s get back on topic.

I was at my mom and dad’s house on Sunday for my mom’s birthday and I saw that they had brought my grandma’s American Girl Doll home.  It had been one of the personal effects that had been at the nursing home with her for the last couple of years.  The family decided that I could have it since I am the only granddaughter and also had American Girl Dolls of my own. 

My American Girl Dolls and accessories are sitting in bins in Mom and Dad’s basement storage room, waiting for me to have children of my own someday.  So that was where I figured I would put Grandma’s doll, Samantha, until the time came when they would all see the light of day again and feel the love of a little girl with an imagination to take them on many adventures.

When I went to put Samantha in the container with Kirsten and Illiana (my dolls). I got out all three of them because I couldn’t resist fluffing up their hair and giving them quick hugs before returning them to the box where they would sleep for a little while longer. 

When I mentioned this to Francesca, she mentioned that she’d had a little brother and dogs that never let her keep her dolls in good condition.  I told her how I never even took my dolls outside unless I had something for them to sit upon and always kept them in neat and tidy order.  I began to say it was just a product of my parents teaching me to always care for my things but then I remembered the real reason – I was scared to death of them.

I don’t remember how old I was when I first saw The Puppet Master (that isn't a link to IMDB, that's a link to a really neat-o blog I just found.  You can IMDB it yourselves you lazy pantses).  But I was young.  And I was paranoid, apparently.  I remember feeling like I always had to play with my dolls equally and treat them with the utmost respect, or they could crawl out of my closet in the middle of the night and turn into the monsters from The Puppet Master and drill through my forehead.

(See how I went from a sickeningly sweet moment or reminiscence to a moment of batshit crazy in just 3 paragraphs?)

Which lead me to thinking about all of the things I’m thankful for!  So, in keeping with the spirit of the season here is a list of things that I’m thankful for - with a little twist.

Seven Things From My Nightmares That I’m Thankful Never Came True:

1. That my dolls never turned into the dolls from The Puppet Master.  I think this one pretty much speaks for itself.

2.  That I never had to participate in a Hunger Games style event in a metro area.  This was a crazy ass dream.  From falling in love with people who were trying to kill me, to having to figure out which people in this metro area were part of the game and which ones were innocent bystanders (because they didn’t evacuate the city for the games)… Ooofta…

3.  That I never found my mom dead on the kitchen floor.  This dream was horrible.  It was right after I got kicked out of college and was living at home with my parents.  My dad had just started a new job that required him to be out of town during the week.  In my dream I woke up one morning and found her just completely void.  Then I had to call my dad and brother and tell them they had to come home – but I couldn’t tell them why because I wanted them to be able to drive home safely.  When I woke up in real life, I called my mom and told her I loved her.

4.  That I never had to drive across the river on a bridge made of juju bees.  Those little dots of hard jelly candy provide very little traction and have a habit of clogging up your muffler.

5.  That my friends and I were never held hostage in a high school gymnasium by the Saw guy. We were safe as long as we stayed in the gym, but people kept thinking of “bright ideas” to break free.  Then they’d get murdered as we’d all sit back and watch helplessly.

6.  That I never had sex with that coworker/friend/acquaintance who I’ve never been attracted to and actually kind of hate.  What is the point in sex dreams like this?  It’s all like “WOO! Sex dream! Wait… WHAT?!? OH NO! OH GOD NO!!”  But no matter what, you can’t get out of the dream and it just keeps going…  Some times in the dream you'll even really be enjoying yourself which fills you with even more shame and horrible dream-hangover feelings the next day..uzzhgugh

7.  That my hair and teeth never fell out in the course of 15 minutes as I stood in front of my bathroom mirror.  I think everyone has a dream like this as least one time, right? *shudder*Terrible.

I’ll be thankful for more normal things on Thursday.  I promise. 

If I don’t see you before then, Happy Thanksgiving to my friends in the US!  If you don’t live in the US, happy almost-the-weekend!

Much Love,

Annie Jay

PS:  So I was totally going to the American Girl Dolls website to link you to pictures of the American Girl Dolls I have (because I knew you would want to see them!) when I found out they don't even make the ones I have anymore! WTF American Girl Doll Company?  20 years is too long to carry a couple of brands of dolls on the market?? Samantha was always the classiest - anyone you replaced her with now is just a washed-up whore.

Thursday is Officially the Most Random Day of the Week

Ever since Daylight Savings Time ended I’ve been feeling like the workdays just drag on.  So every time the weekend rolls around I get soooo happy!  But this weekend is even better! My big brother, Clockwork, is coming home to celebrate our mom’s birthday and Thanksgiving.  I can’t wait to spend time with my big bro :-)

Francesca and I had quite the interesting night last night.  We went for a drive in the countryside, in which I tried to tell her how much she means to me.  I said, “You know, Francesca, you’re an awesome friend.  I’ve been depressed and you brought me things to cheer me up and spent time with me.  I love you – you’re a great friend.”  Heartfelt.  Sincere.   That’s what I was going for, anyway.

But because Francesca is a cold and unfeeling cockface, she responded to my outpouring with raucous sardonic laughter and said “Really?  We’re going to do this?”  Well, I guess not.

We also had many margaritas and free chicken wings at a restaurant known for its free chicken wings on Thursday nights and for its lousy service.  (You can read about the first time we went there and how awesome we used to think it was if you click here.) We visited our friend, The Green Giant and played with his adorable pit bulls while his band played guitar riffs and talked about music.  I stole a baby from his spider plant as we walked out the door and then Francesca and I joked about how I had just raped the plant. 

Because rape jokes are only funny when you’re stealing spider plant babies.

After all of these adventures we ended up in the basement of my barpartment where we met friends for cheap beer and laughter.  What ended up happening goes against the content of the last two posts – because what happens when you say you’re going to take a break from dating? A cute (but significantly older) man strikes up a conversation with you at a bar.

Francesca and I had this conversation today:

Me:

So… was that guy last night cute or did I have major beer goggles on?

Francesca:

Too funny, I was just about to email you and ask about your new friend.  He was decent looking.  How late did you stay at the bar talking to him? 

Also, you raped a plant last night.

Me:

LMAO I went into my kitchen this morning (Which, by the way is an even bigger looking disaster after drunkenyl making Asian Cabbage Salad at 1am in the morning  for my work potluck today.) and saw my little spider plant seedling sitting in a cup of water to sprout and I was like “Oh yeah, that’s right.  I pillaged a plant of its baby last night.”  I wonder if they have separation anxiety… 

And I was in the bar until about 12:15 talking to him.  Then I said I had to call it a night and he walked out with me.  I went to my car to get the stuff for my cabbage salad (which I almost had forgotten about) and he walked with me.  He asked for my phone number and then we hugged.  I think he wanted to kiss me but I dodged it – I’m not a kissing hussy… most of the time.  We’ll see if he texts me.

Francesca:

LOL nice.  I thought you were “taking a break” from dating – like, as of yesterday.  Then you go and give your number out!

Me:

1. He asked me for it.  I did not “give it out”.  You make it sound like I’m walking around with a billboard that says: “TO DATE ME, CALL: 563-XXX-XXXX”

2. I didn’t kiss him.

3. I will not pursue anything with him, but if he pursues me, what’s a girl to do?

Francesca:

4. Plus, he was cute.

Me:

Right??

Francesca:

And you were talking guns with him at the bar.

Me:

Hahahaha I am a charmer, thankyouverymuch.  I actually forgot about that.  I need to use that as a conversation starter again…if only I could remember how that conversation got started… but I know it ended with me showing him the picture of us with like 5 billion guns.

Francesca:

I really wanted to stay in bed this morning and was totally jealous that The Bear got to go back to bed.  Jerk.

Me:

The Bear didn’t have to work today?  That’s good since he was dancing to Gangnam Style – outside the front door of the bar.  By himself. 

Francesca:

Yes, that is the man I love - dancing to Gangnam Style outside of a bar on a Thursday night at 10pm. 

Me:

You two are perfect for each other.

So our security system is acting up and the reactions are hilarious.  This morning we got an email telling us the doors on first floor weren’t unlocking so if you were down there and wanted to come up you should use the elevator.  So Rachel wasn’t very happy about this because, you know, she’s afraid of spontaneously becoming pregnant and giving birth while trapped in an elevator.  She also said “I hope they’re fixed by 3 so we will be able to leave!” I explained that we can still get out.  

This afternoon we got an email telling us the elevator isn’t working either.  So now everyone is freaking out about not being able to leave.  I pretty much yelled at everyone and said, “This place isn’t the Hotel California, people!  Calm down!” 

Francesca:

You can clock out anytime you like, but you can never leave!

~~~~~~~~~

Have a great weekend everyone!

Kissykissy,

Annie Jay

Shhhh, Don't Cry. You're Gonna Be Juuust Fine.

Notice to single men of the Tri-State area: I’m taking myself off the market.

Now, now, dry those tears you little stud muffins – I’ll be back in a month or so.

I’ve had quite a few interesting encounters over the last several months (including one dismal attempt at a relationship with the man who will heretofore be known as "The Replay". Part 1 - The Beginning and Part 2 - The End.) and now - taking a page out of the blog of my friend over at Once in A Blue DC Moon – I’m taking a time out from the dating scene.

I’m off the online dating sites. Profiles = deleted.

I’m done with those text message flirtations.  Text someone else, my friend.

When I go out with my friends it will be solely to have fun with my friends and not to mack on boys.

The last several months have made me become a little fed-up with the whole process of dating and relating to new people. 

I’ve been like Goldilocks and the Twenty Potential Suitors.  This one’s too short, that one’s too messy.  This one likes football too much, that one plays too much DND.  This one is too wild, that one’s too tame.  That one’s an Evangelical Christian, this one’s a metal-head.  The list goes on and on and on and on and on -

But there’s never one who’s just right.

So until I am willing to appease myself with the ones who are almost right again, I’m just going to take a breather.  I'm going to get back to doing things I like just because I like them.  I'm going to get back to going to coffee shops on my own just to soak up new atmospheres while I work on my writing.  I'm going to spend more time with my family.  I'm going to spend less time as a hermit in my apartment waiting around for boys.

Now, who wants to have completely meaningless, no-strings-attached sex? 

Shit.  I’m already doing this wrong.

Heartsnthings,

Annie Jay

Pimping Out Something I Have Absolutely No Ties To (AKA I Don't Really Understand Pimping)

I realize that I talk about a lot of different subject matter here and it's probably hard to know what to expect from a new post.  But I guess this place is kind of like my Mary Poppins bag.  Some things I post are silly, some are serious.  Some things are obnoxious and some are tragic.  

But at the very heart of this space is my desire to maybe, possibly, somehow, someday say something that someone will relate with - something that will make someone feel something or think something that maybe they hadn't before.  None of us wants to believe that we are alone on this planet and I know that there are things that I might be willing to say here that maybe someone else will understand or enjoy.

I love to pass hope and happiness on whenever I find them.  

I believe we need to pass on positivity whenever we find it because we are inundated with negativity - from our peers, from TV, from the news, from strangers on the street - from the thoughts inside our heads.

Which leads me to - 

You guys have gotta start visiting Upworthy.

It's meaningful things minus all of the pomp, circumstance and Sara Machlachlan songs that plague most things that claim to be meaningful.  This is real, honest, good stuff from people who understand wit and sarcasm and understand that sometimes life isn't pretty but because of that you have to pass on all of the goodness you can find.

Check it: HERE.

I've been following them on Facebook for a few weeks and I've already seen some things that have inspired me or caused me to look at life in a new way.

What's inspiring you today?

Much love,
Annie Jay

Because Everyone Needs a Confidence Girl Every Once in a While

This morning my apartment looks like a scene in a movie. You know the scene I’m talking about: 

As soon as you walk in the front door there is a shoe kicked off to the left.  After that there is another shoe, then a trail of clothes leading directly to the bedroom.  The pillows are a mess and some even lay banished on the floor.  The blankets are tangled and hanging haphazardly off of the bed.  You know the scene now, right?  Giggity.

Ok, I’m kidding about the giggity part. 

If I had told you what the scene looked like a few moments ago it would have included a girl sleeping mouth-first on her pillow, her mascara smeared.  Her long back-combed hair is sticking up and out at impossible angles.  She’s wearing old jogging shorts and a ratty t-shirt and is cuddling with a stuffed gryphon hatchling she calls Henry. 

That, my friends is what Confidence Girl looks like when she sleeps.  It’s pretty much the unsexiest thing in the world, but damn did that girl go to bed happy!

No seriously, there was no giggity. 

Confidence Girl is not the kind of girl.

Well… usually she’s not that kind of girl.

*ahem*

So who is Confidence Girl?

Well, you know how when you walk into a room full of people your heart stops beating and you get the overwhelming urge to run out the door? Yeah, man, I effing hate that feeling too.  I become sure that every person in the bar is looking at me and judging me – for my shirt, my hair, my waist line, my jeans, my purse, shoes, necklace, earrings, slightly curved toes...  well, you get the point.

Understandably so, being afflicted with this overwhelming anxiety every time you walk into a place is not a good way to meet new people or have very much fun. 

Or breathe normally when walking down a busy street.

Confidence is a funny thing.  One day I’ll be full of confidence and I’ll be sure that I can do anything.  The next day I’ll be sure that everything I do is wrong and that everyone knows it.  It amazes me how sometimes my self-consciousness can be such a handicap.

In 99.999% of the cases where my confidence is lacking, it will be as a result of negative self-talk.  I tell myself the world is against me and therefore I act in a way which makes the world be against me.  My self-conscious thoughts are self-fulfilling prophecy.

In order to get around my anxiety, I decided that I just need to STOP second guessing everything I do. 

I need to stop reprimanding myself for those silly little things I do that almost no one notices and even fewer people remember.

That’s where Confidence Girl comes in.

When I know I’m going to be going into an unfamiliar or uncomfortable situation – one that is highly likely to trigger my anxiety – I give myself a pep talk.  Before I even leave my house, I forgive myself for the mistakes I’m going to make (because I know I will make them but since I’m already forgiven I’m not allowed to stew and berate myself for those things).  I admit right away that I am not perfect so I’m not trying to live up to that standard the whole time. 

The next thing I do is tell myself that everyone I talk to is going to love me.

Gods - even writing this now, it all sounds so cheesy.  But it works every time.

I tell myself that my skin is thick and that I won’t let the sideways stares or the eyes scanning the size of my ass keep me from being absolutely fucking fabulous. 

I won’t misinterpret the laughter at that corner table as laughter about me and will recognize that the world doesn’t revolve around me and those people were just laughing at something else entirely.  I won’t let my paranoia get the best of me and automatically see everyone I don’t know as an enemy or a person whose sole mission is to ruin my time.  

My idea for Confidence Girl (who has most certainly cornered the market on lame superhero names) came this summer when I started hanging out with my Wild Girls – these gorgeous party girls who are fun, sweet and incredibly inclusive yet frequent all of the “cool kid” places I would have never felt secure going to before.  When I realized that I was denying myself new friends, who were quite literally begging me to be friends with them, I realized that I was holding myself back.

The first night I hung out with them, as I got ready I began telling myself that no matter what the night held in store, I would go along for the ride.  I told myself that I would pretend every person I talked to was already my best friend and I therefore had no reason to worry about anything.

And it worked.

From then on, whenever I know I’m going to be in a place where I would normally feel vulnerable in some way, I try to address those concerns before I’m even in the situation so that the girl who goes out into the world is the very best version of me I can present. 

That girl is Confidence Girl – not exactly an alternate persona – just me stripped of my anxiety and determined not to be held back because of fear.  Confidence Girl doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her and isn’t ashamed of anything she does.  I don’t allow myself to second guess anything once the time has passed either – what happens with Confidence Girl stays with Confidence Girl.

Confidence Girl is fun, intelligent, witty, brave, tough, a little bitchy (but only when she needs to be) and even just a little bit of a man-eater. 

I owe her a lot.

Have any tricks that you use to overcome your own anxiety? 

Hugsnkisses,

Annie Jay

Soon We Will Know the Course of the Future

This Saturday I sat in a park that is as familiar to me as my own backyard and where I’ve spent literally millions of minutes from the time I was in high school until the present and had one of the most amazingly surreal experiences of my life.

Why?  Because I was here:

Seriously awesome.

That’s President Obama campaigning in Washington Park. 

Now, if you’re a Dubuquer you know all about the madness that flooded our town this Saturday with campaign visits by both Mittens and OB – for the second (third? fifth?) time this campaign.  Because all of those other visits happened during the work day, this was the first visit I was able to attend – and it was… awesome.

I’m voting for Obama. 

If you’re following me on Twitter or Facebook you already know this.

If you know me, you know I’m very politically opinionated and that I’m about as socially liberal as it comes.  Fiscally, I’m a little more moderate.  A lot of people disagree with a lot of things I believe.

That’s ok.  But I don’t understand a lot of them.

There are three big things that I just can’t get over when it comes to the Uber-Conservatives.

1:  Gay Marriage.  Seriously guys, if you don’t want to be in a same-sex marriage, don’t marry someone of the same sex.  I don’t care what your holy book says, my “I’m a caring and intelligent person” book tells me that love is to be celebrated no matter who’s involved in it.  Gay Marriage isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage.  The hundreds of thousands of people getting divorced every year are ruining the sanctity of marriage.  The hundreds of thousands of people getting married for the wrong reason every year are ruining the sanctity of marriage.  Gay Marriage didn’t cause the hurricane – climate change did that.  Which brings me to…

2:  Climate Change.  Quit fucking drilling.  Instead of getting on board with the goddamn Keystone Pipeline (which Mitt Romney says he’ll expand on Day 1 – just like the 50-bajillion other things he’s going to do on Day 1 – because he’s a combo of Iron Man/Flash Gordon/Superman) devote time and money to expanding alternate, reusable sources of power.  Plain and simple there are only so many fossil fuels available and one day we will run out.  I don’t care if it’s not for 50 generations.  Why do we have to run out in order for us to consider alternate energy sources??  Yes, I know the Christians believe that we are God’s chosen creations and we can use up this planet however we damned well please because we’re all just gonna party with Jesus in heaven and stare down at this smouldering planet anyway, but hey, PARTY – WITH JESUS.  That dude can turn water into wine, why should we waste all of the water turning it into energy?  We owe it to our future generations to take the best care of this planet we can.  PLUS – if everyone wants to fix our economy why not consider the great things that can happen if we devote our energy to the science of earth-friendly materials and energy sources more than any other country?  I think it would be a good moneymaker if we really invested in it.  (I say this with full confidence because I am an economic genius.)

3:  Women’s Health.  On this one, I actually have a story that I think really explains why a bunch of old men think they can control what happens to our vaginas:

A few months ago I had the pleasure of obligatorily attending a wedding of a family member that I didn’t want to go to because a.) it was going to be a dry wedding – who does that? and b.) I vehemently disagreed with the religion and I knew what I was getting myself into – my family did not.

During the wedding service, after taking a dig at the heathens who think same-sex marriage isn’t going to send them to a fiery hell, the preacher went on a 15-minute tirade directed at the bride-to-be about the woman’s role in marriage.  I live-tweeted the speech (because it was the only way I could keep myself from lashing out or just simply walking out) if you’re interested in reading it.

(Side-note: Don’t get me wrong, no matter how much I disagree with a religion, I believe whole-heartedly that people have the right to choose to believe in whatever religion they want – that’s the beauty of this country – as long as they don’t try to make me live my life according to their religion’s laws.  I’m bringing this up because, like I said above, I think it explains why these men want to control everything that happens between my legs.)

He explained over and over again how the woman should always follow her husband’s orders.  He explained how the role of the woman in the marriage was to make her concerns known to her husband (because, little lady, your cooking tastes better when you think your opinions matter) but even if he didn’t listen to her she still needed to go along with whatever he decided upon.  Now, when you’re talking about what to eat for dinner, maybe this isn’t a big deal.  But when you’re talking about whether or not to have sex for the night or buy a new house or move your mistress into the bedroom next door – the idea of the subservient wife becomes a little scarier. 

I couldn’t say “I told you so” loud enough to wipe the disgusted looks off the faces of my mother, my aunts, my father, my brother or my cousins as we sat in that church and listened to this lecture. 

This belief that the woman’s voice is not as powerful as the voice of her husband is exactly the reason that I started doubting Christianity when I was 18. 

And this, to me, explains why these uber-conservatives think they can tell me what I can and cannot do with my vagina.  Back the fuck off.  This is my body.  Women are just as capable and intelligent as men and can make the decisions that are best for them.  Yes, birth control should be covered by my insurance just as fucking Viagra is covered by a lot of insurance providers.

Finally – perhaps most importantly – making abortion illegal will never make abortion go away, it will only make abortion more dangerous for the pregnant woman.  You protect life when it is in the womb, but as soon as it’s out in the real world you say FUCK IT! I’m pretty sure Jesus would have a problem with that too.

He wants YOU!

So, those are my BIG things.  Of course there are five billion other things I want to see – like Citizens United being overturned, healthcare getting straightened the fuck out, creation of more jobs, college costs decreasing and the gap between the middle class and the wealthy shrinking, but these are just my Big-3 and I think Barack Obama is much more likely to address my cares that Mitt Romney ever will.

But most importantly – go vote today, if for no other reason than to pick out your local representatives!

Fingers crossed,

Annie Jay

Let's Just Go to Stepford, I Hear The Ladies Are Real Nice There

The other day my friend, Javier, told me he is often afraid that our conversations are going to end up on this blog… I guess he was right!

On Sunday, some friends met at my place before going out to a hungover post-Halloween-party lunch.  Javi was half an hour early.  He called me and without even muttering a greeting he said, “Come unlock your downstairs door already.  The sun is really bright.”

So, in the midst of barrel-curling my hair (you know the look, half of my hair piled unceremoniously on top of my head in a ratty mess, the other half falling down my back in too-tight ringlets in desperate need of combing out) I walked down the stairs in the dark because even the dim stairwell lights were too harsh in my hungover state.  I opened the front door.

I immediately recoiled from the light. 

I might have even hissed at it.

“Yeah. I wasn’t lying!” He said as he pushed through the door and joined me in the safety of the dark stairwell. 

After we trudged up the stairs, I went back to my routine of getting ready and trying not to puke.  Javier paced/sat outside of the bathroom and talked to me about his dating woes.

Like most of my male friends, Javi is straight (because having 50 straight males in her life who are just friends is exactlty what every straight female wants).  He’s also well-educated but likes to say the word “fuck” a lot and drink often.  In short, he’s just like me. 

Well… except for the male part.  I’m penis-free. 

*ahem*

He’s also mostly enlightened about equality and not misogynistic.  Which is why this statement coming out of his lips caught me so by surprise:

“I just need a quiet girl who will do everything I want and won’t fight with me.  Is that so much to ask for?”  He laughed when I glared at him and he added, “Please, the thing that sucks about this town is that all of the women I meet are intelligent and independent as hell.”

I told him they just don’t make ‘em like they used to and suggested that he go back to 1950 because I’m sure this town was full of that type of woman back then.  Then we talked a little bit about time travel (because I’m an easily side-tracked nerdy girl) but eventually it came back around to the idea of relationships.

“Every woman I meet wants a man who is the same way – willing to do everything she says he should do without question.  We all want a lap dog.”  He said to me.

And he was kind of right, as far as I was concerned.

Now of course we don’t all really sit around thinking “If only I could find a mindless automaton to hold me when I cry and keep me sexually satisfied.”  Well... most of us don’t, anyway.

But there is a certain truth to the idea that many of us are looking for someone who will fit perfectly into our already-established lifestyles and habits without us needing to change or modify or adjust anything we currently do.  But of course this is never the case.

When branching out into a new relationship both parties need to be aware that changes and compromises are going to have to happen on both sides – because we aren’t all just mindless sex-bots designed solely for the purpose of giving blow-j’s.  We’re thinking, feeling, motivated, dreaming, wishing, hoping skin sacks that need freedom and stimulation in order to grow into the totally kickass human beings we’re capable of becoming. 

A lot of times when I start to date someone and he asks me what my plans are for the weekend I panic, thinking, “How dare he threaten to take up my precious weekend time??”

How absurd is this?  I want to be in a relationship but I don’t want to sacrifice any of my free time to do it.  I want a man who will respond to a little copper bell that I can ring anytime I feel like doing couple-y stuff and leave me alone when I want to be without him.

*sigh*

What I really need to find is someone who meshes so well with me, with my friends, with my need for alone time and together time, that I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing myself – or at least like the sacrifices I’m making are worth it in the long run.

Or maybe I just want a sex-bot.

Much Love,

Annie Jay