Remember how I wrote about that potential relationship a while ago? Turns out that after a few weeks that were awesome – having fun together, sharing the financial burden of that fun and seeing each other all the time – we suddenly started having awkward time together, I was paying for things left and right (without any sharing on his end) and we were rarely seeing each other due to scheduling conflicts. After weeks of frustration, in which he kept assuring me he wanted to be with me but making absolutely no effort to be with me, I finally just told him the ball was in his court.
That was over a week ago and he never even responded to that message. (Yes I said that to him in a text message – I wanted to talk in person but we could never get together so I finally put it in a text. Lame, I know, but beggars can’t be choosers.)
The cowardice of it baffles me. Instead of saying “I can’t wait to see you again!” why not just say, “I’m sorry, this just isn’t working for me.”? Is it so you never have to be the bad guy? Well, just so you know, your inaction just makes you look like a douchehole anyway.
But this whole thing just has me thinking about what a bunch of cowards we all are. (“We” being any of the young adults that I know who are not currently in relationships but want to be.)
We all walk around thinking “Well, if this person wanted to [talk to me/date me/take me home for the night for some fast and dirty lovin’] they would make the first move.” But since we’re all thinking that way no one is getting talked to/dated/used for one-night stands. And it’s just stupid.
Even if you happen to find yourself in a relationship (apparently by use of magic since neither of you was brave enough to approach the other), no one knows how to ask for what they need. Or we’re all too afraid of winding up alone again that we just sit back and deal with whatever bullshit comes our way.
At least, this is what I see a lot of my friends going through.
How is it that such a fun, independent, intelligent crowd can be so lame when it comes to forming new relationships? Even for myself, the only move in my book is the good old shy-girl standard “become friends and sit back and hope that one day he realizes he loves you and wants to be with you forever” move. How is it that I don’t even know how to talk to a man unless it’s about video games? I’m gifted at making small talk and I'm reasonably intelligent. You might not believe that because of my tendency to butcher English grammar and my preference for the word “fuck” over “copulate”, but really, I’m not a dumby.
Why does an intelligent, fun-loving, attractive girl have such a hard time going up to a man and asking him on a date?
Because I’m a coward. I’m terrified of being turned down – or worse, outright laughed at and walked away from. Why don’t I have the stones to walk up to that cute man I always run into at the bookstore and ask him if he’s single? I already know we have similar interests – like Christopher Moore books. Why don’t I just say, “So, what was your favorite - Island of the Sequined Love Nun or Fluke? By the way, want to get a coffee and/or make out with me?”
That’s it. I’m doing it.
I’m going to make it my goal this week to ask a man on a date. Anyone have any suggestions? I can’t just stalk the aisles of BAM! like a creeper and hope that scruffy looking man walks in.
I can do this… I can do this…
No really – Help. Please?