How I Spent My Summer Vacation

 Wow.  It’s been over a month since I last wrote something here!

I’d like to say that the reason that I haven’t posted anything new is just because I’ve been so ridiculously busy having fun and making waves in my life that I haven’t had time to think about this blog.

But that would be a lie.  I have mainly been unable to write anything that I thought was worth sharing.  I could write about being broke, I could write about how I feel like I'm going through some sort of transition in my personal behaviour, I could write about the potential love affair I almost had but that then turned awkward and weird... but all of those things just never felt right to write about or I couldn't wrap my head around them enough to explain what was going on.

Finally, I'm at a point where I have other stuff I want to write about - like sharing with you some of my plans and some of the things I've been ruminating on for the last few weeks.  But first, I just want to play a little game of catch-up.  

Because it is summer - and I have been having lots of fun.  Here are some picture highlights and quick captions from my last month:

June 22-24: Was a weekend of River!  The water was high as hell so we didn't get to go to some of my favorite places on the boat (because they were underwater) but we did an all-day/all-night river excursion on Saturday and spent Sunday floating above an island.

We were traveling super fast in this picture so it's all
kinds of blurry, but you get the idea!

Oh the muddy, muddy Mississippi

June 29-30:  A group of my friends went camping.  They were only about an hour away, so The Boss and I went up to visit them during the day.  As soon as we all arrived and as soon as everyone got their tents set up in poured rain.  After the rain stopped, we got to go tubing (some people call it "floating") on a flooded campground that had a river running through it.  We played on flooded playground equipment and even though I got a huge gash in my foot, I managed to not get dysentery.  And no one fried by the electrical transformers which were also flooded.

The campsite after we'd all been drenched with rain.

July 3-7: I had an awesome long holiday weekend.  Watched the fireworks on the 3rd.  Spent the 4th recovering from a night of drinking out of my "magic cup" that never held the same beverage twice and never went empty.  The 5th we went out on the river again and then we went out on the town that night. The 6th and 7th I spent recovering from the madness.

Definitely one of the best pictures ever taken of our rag-tag group (plus, we were right in front of where they
were doing the July 4th air show, so there's a pretty sweet airplane in the background)

My favorite group of party girls

When he's not busy carrying whole trees on his shoulders,
this boy likes to party with the girls (who can blame him,
did you see those hotties up there?)

July 12-14: A huge group of my friends went camping.  We drank something like three bottles of whisky/whiskey, 2 bottles of vodka and roughly 390 beers.  We went tubing on a nice, non-flooded river and I got to use my solo tent.  The weather was perfect so I didn't have to use my rain fly and was able to stare up at the stars all night long.  

Some of my favorite moments of the trip - 

• The first night was just a huge party where we were all happy to be there and to be with each other.  
• After roughly a million hours of drinking, our entire crew took a walk to the river where we stomped around in our non-swimming clothes and giggled a LOT.
• Falling asleep in my tent while admiring the endless stars above me.
• Tubing the next day - water, sunshine (well... a little bit of sunshine), beer and best friends, ahhh nice.
• The second night, sitting by the river at midnight, for hours, talking with some of my closest friends about some intense subjects and counting shooting stars.

And some of my favorite pictures...

My baby tent.  All screen = Soo many stars!

Playing in the river - beer in hand - backpack cooler - flashlight - giggles

This is what happens when I steal The Boss's camera

Those are some pasty, highly attractive SOBs

July 19-21:  We went to Chicago to celebrate Han's birthday.  We actually stayed in Rosemont on the outskirts of the city, so sadly I didn't actually get to go into the city - but we had a great time!  We went to an arcade filled with old school arcade games that were all set to free-play.  We played for hours.  We swam, went to the zoo and got heat exhaustion, but also saw some dinosaurs, and had a nice dinner at his aunt's house.

Because DINOSAURS

July 26-29:  One of my favorite coworkers/honorary little sisters got married Friday night.  It was a beautiful outdoor reception in the countryside.  She looked absolutely gorgeous and the weather was perfect.  Saturday, Sunday and Monday I spent time with my Swiss cousins who came to town!  More on this in a future post! It was the first time I'd met one of them and only the second time I'd met the other.  We had a great time together and enjoyed making jokes about weird things - like ice cream trucks driven by child molesters.

Aaaaand - that's about it!  So it's been a fun month.  I hope you're all having a great summer.

Much love,

Annie Jay

Yeah Baby, it's Monday!

Another weekend full of revelry has passed!  

We had The Boss's birthday party on Friday night.  It was a nice low-key affair at The House.  We played cards, drank scotch (well, I drank scotch anyway, others drank whatever they wanted) and giggled the night away.  I was at home and in bed by 12:30.  Saturday morning I woke up at 6am.  I don't know why my body has been doing this lately, but a night of drinking scotch followed up by a super early morning isn't the most fun thing to do.  

But I survived well enough to get myself showered and dressed for the day and to the salon by 9:30 so Natalia could cut my hair.  (My first haircut since July!) Right after my cut, Francesca, Prudence and I went shopping for a gift for our bestie, Kaatrina's baby shower.  After shopping, we went to the shower and got to see Katarina in all her pregnant glory.  She looks so adorable with her baby belly and I can't wait for my little niece to get here!!!  She's due April 4th and my birthday is April 3rd so I was telling her (yes, I was talking to the baby in Katarina's belly) to come out just a day early so we can be birthday buddies.  I already share with my favorite cousin and our grandpa, I'm very good at sharing my birthday ;-)

We also had Natalia's birthday party on Saturday night.  We had dinner, went out on the town, stopped by a friend's band practice and played around with drums and microphones.  We visited Francesca and karaoked    the rest of the night away.  I think I sang.  I'm pretty sure I sang.  I have some adorably blurry pictures from the evening.  We ended the night at the Barpartment with a few beverages and eventually sleep.  

Needless to say, I spent the entirety of yesterday on the couch with a blanket - but with visitors!  Francesca came by and worked on an art project for The Bear for Valentine's Day for a few hours.  She even brought me lunch!  Then Herbert came over and held down the other couch for a while.  I even got to see my darling Han, fresh back from his vacation to Las Vegas!  He came over and napped on the couch while I worked on an art project of my own. It was a nice day of doing absolutely nothing but with good laid-back company.  I didn't even change out of my pajamas until 6pm and I went to bed at 9.  It was quite the day.

In other news - My new boss is fantastic!  I'm not going to lie, I was a bit apprehensive about things the last few weeks.  But after a great meeting with him and my supervisor on Friday I feel 100% that he's a great fit for our company.  He's still letting me take the reigns on my training program that I've been wanting to redesign just as long as I make the underlying philosophy one that fits with his mission for our department, which I agree with 100%.  It's a very exciting time with all of the growth we're undergoing!

Tomorrow morning I'm going to fill out more paperwork for the apartment I'm hoping to get!  This means I might find out this week if I'm going to be able to get it!  If I find out this week, I estimate that I'll be able to move in March 1 or 15.  This could be a great month!

Have a fantastic Monday, friends!

Much love,
Annie Jay

Happy Happies Everyone!

Oh hey! 

Happy New Year!  

I hope you all rang in the New Year in style, or in grungy t-shirts and sweatpants - whatever made you happiest! 

My own NYE was quite lovely.  I wore a cocktail dress and ankle-high motorcycle boots for the first part of the night.  Because I’m classy.  And because it was freakin freezing outside.  Don’t worry, I changed into attire-appropriate but seasonally-impractical footwear when I actually went out in public.

We had a nice low-key start to the evening at Sofie’s house where we played cards, watched Dick Clark’s rocking NYE, toasted the East Coast New Year and watched Jenny McCarthy possibly get herpes from a sailor. (yes, I’m sure it was lipstick) 

Then we headed downtown to the karaoke bar where Francesca was working.  If you have to work on NYE, you’d better hope that you; 1.) have friends that love you enough to not even think about celebrating the countdown without you; 2.) work at one of the most fun places in the tri-state area; and 3.) have awesome friends that will wait for you to serve other people their drinks before giving you your New Year’s kiss. 

Keeping with my tradition of the last…hmm… 3-8 years I kissed everyone at midnight.  Well, not that one guy.  But pretty much everyone else.  I even sneak-attacked Natalia with a kiss and got a love bite in return.  Ooo, tiger!

PS – I’m the one who gave Jenny McCarthy’s sailor all of those lip herpes.  You’re welcome.

I ended the night in the eastern den of sin and inequity, around 4:30am with my favorite gay men, a couple of my favorite straight men and several of my favorite women of undetermined sexual preferences.  There was a lot of dancing and a lot of kissing and snuggling.  I got a broken beer bottle stuck in my foot (which wouldn’t have happened if I would’ve kept the boots on) but didn’t bleed all over the place like the last time that happened (which is a story for another day).  It was really quite magical.

At the end of the night, I was alone and quite happy. 

Then I slipped and fell on the ice.  (Not due to drunkenness, I swear.  It was all the fault of those damn impractical shoes!) My skirt flew up above my shoulders and I’m pretty sure I did the splits. 

But I’m still calling it a win because I didn’t get a single bruise (I guess the plus side of all that holiday eating is that I’ve gotten a lot of iron).

All in all, I had a fantastic New Year’s Eve.

The last few weeks have been busy!  Work has been chaotic and life has been, well, let's just say it’s been chaotic as well (more on that to come later this week.  Maybe).  

And hangover-y.  Life has been really hangovery. Season of giving, yeah right.  Season of binge-drinking is more like it.

Yesterday when Francesca and Sofie came over to the barpartment before we went out to lunch I had to greet them by saying, “Please excuse my mess, the barpartment is hungover.”  There were still empty beer bottles from Saturday night sitting on the dining room table.  Yes, this was on Tuesday morning.  Don’t judge me.  I just hadn’t had time to deal with them yet, ok?  Ok, so they’re still sitting there. 

Nursing a month-long hangover is hard freakin work.

I was going to write a “year in review” post.  Then I realized there wasn’t a whole lot in 2012 that I wanted to review.  So instead I’m just going to say –

2013, let’s kick 2012’s ass this year, ok?

Hope you all had a fabtastical 2012!  Anyone have any particularly fun NYE stories to share?

Much love,

Annie Jay

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I think I mentioned it earlier this week –

I LOVE THE HOLIDAY SEASON!

Tonight is my company Christmas Party and I’m totally amped.  I’m taking my partner in crime and potential future baby-daddy, Han.  Every single girl needs a platonic friend to be arm-candy for her when events come to call.  And he makes damn good arm-candy. 

I’m wearing a silky, one shoulder, knee-length dress that poofs out at the bottom in a black/silver/purple/white print with a sparkly blazer over top.  None of the sweaters or shrugs I had with it so I’m going to go a little funky with the blazer instead.  I still can’t wear heels because of my injured ankle, so I’ll be wearing my black sparkly sandals.  Other than those, I’m excited about my outfit.

I also made a new multi-strand sparkly necklace and set of earrings to wear tonight.  My hair is going to be barrel curled into my favorite fun and flirty look.  I opted not to color it, even though my (oh so numerous!) grays are showing through quite a bit.  I’m not sure why but I’ve kind of been enjoying the gray hairs lately.  (Who wants to bet that I’ll be over them and color my hair before New Year’s?) 

We also got our Christmas bonuses today! As the hours started ticking on I was a little afraid that maybe we’d be getting Griswolded this year, but our VP came around and delivered them to us with a smile on his face.  Twas wonderful!

This weekend I’m going to be doing all of my Christmas shopping.  For the most part, I’m going to do as much of it at locally-owned stores as I can.  Gotta support my community!  Now I just have to figure out what to get my parents and my brother.

I’m also going to finally get a fish this weekend.  I’ve had the fish tank set up for three weeks now and my tank desperately needs some fishies.  Time for me to commit to what kind of fish I want. 

But anyway – this post is about Christmas!  So, here are some things that I’m planning to do or have already done to ring in the season:

Holiday Baking!  My best girls and I already did our one-day Christmas baking extravaganza.  My treats were well-loved by my coworkers and disappeared in the span of just a few hours.  I have also made some mint oreo balls and plan to make pizzelles and fudge yet this year for my family Christmas.

Holiday Decorating!  I started to put my decorations up the date after Thanksgiving and was all done by the Monday after.  There are so many decorations all around my apartment, it’s so blissfully cheerful every day.  Here are a few of my favorite things:

RAWR!

I decorated it all on my own!

Because every tree needs a robot.

 Snow!  Mother Nature gave us some snow last weekend and I reveled in it.  Now, it’s all melted but I’m holding out hope that next week we get a ton of it.  I want a foot of snow in one night.  There’s nothing I love more than walking on the quiet city streets during a snowfall, listening to Christmas music.  Which brings me to…

Christmas Music!  I said it earlier this week that I’ve pretty much only been listening to Christmas music since Thanksgiving came and went.  But what I’m most excited for is Christmas eve and Christmas day listening to The Carpenters Christmas Portrait with my family when we celebrate.  I don’t think there’s ever been a better Christmas album.

Festivus! Every year on the night of December 23, my friends and I celebrate Festivus in the grandest tradition of the day!  With copious amounts of alcohol, the airing of grievances, feats of strength, ugly Christmas sweaters, holiday chanting and stumbling home at 4am to sleep for a few hours before family time begins the next day.

Christmas Eve!  Even though I live in the same town as my parents, I always stay at their house on Christmas Eve.  My brother, Clockwork, will be in town and we’ll be traveling to my Grandfather’s house that night to celebrate with my mom’s side of the family.  Then Clockwork and I will stay up late wrapping Christmas presents, watching Red Dwarf and giggling like 12-year olds.

Christmas Day!  Need I say more?  Mom, Dad, Clocky and I will be exchanging gifts, most likely early in the day, then heading to my aunt’s house for a nice lunch with some more family.  That night, if all goes according to plan, my former roomie and I will be drinking vodka and having a slumber party at the barpartment and staying up until 4am playing Kinect and acting like 12-year olds.  Christmas is pretty much the best time to act like a 12-year old.

New Year’s Eve -  UMM.  Hey, kids, what are we doing on New Year’s Eve? 

I hope you all have a fabulous Holiday Season too!  I’m sure I’ll be blogging more in the next couple of weeks but probably not quite as heavily as I have been lately.

Happy Holidays!

Annie Jay

P.S. – Can you tell I’ve had a lot of caffeine today?

P.P.S. – Can you tell I’ve been playing on Instagram?  Check me out.

P.P.P.S – Love me.

Wait Wait... Which Bar is Next?

*Disclaimer: This post is entirely about drunken antics.  If you don't like reading about mindless drunken antics - or if doing so makes you want to reach for a bottle of Jack right now - give this post about grudges and forgiveness a chance instead.  If you love reading about drunken buffoonery - read on!*

If you’ve been reading my posts for the last couple of days, you know I’ve been planning to tell you about Saturday and the fun times that ensued.  But now I’m sure I’ve built it up too much and when I tell you about it you’re going to be like “Really, this is what people do for fun in Iowa?”

Yes, yes it is.

I won’t get into all of the details because for the most part you just kind of had to be there.  But what happened is that 8 friends and I competed against 30 other teams in a downtown Pub Crawl/Scavenger hunt this last Saturday afternoon. 

Teams could be 1-6 people but we had 9 total so we decided to split into two teams and that we’d work together and then split the $500 grand prize.  Sure, $500 split 9 ways is only about $55 but we figured that if we won we’d at least be able to write the money spent at the bars that day off as a business expense.  Because drinking is a business when you do it the way we do.

Pretty much all day Friday was spent with mass emails racing back and forth about the plans for Saturday.  We decided that I would make lunch and have everyone over to the barpartment before the hunt so that no one would be drinking on an empty belly.  By the end of the day Friday, we were all so ridiculously excited.  I barely slept.  If you were checking the Facebook newsfeed for any of us Saturday morning you would’ve seen that we were all up early and taking care of our normal Saturday business so that we could devote the rest of the day to the mission.

At lunch, our typically boisterous group was subdued, like a group of soldiers preparing for battle.  We then carpooled downtown and went to the downtown bar, The Hub, to register at 1pm.  The next hour passed in flurry of activity as we registered, got our first beers of the day and The Hub filled with more teams for the hunt.  By the time it was all said and done there were about 30-40 teams.  Our teams were numbers 15 and 19. We had originally planned for both teams to go together but the rules sent us in different directions so we planned to meet up and compare answers before the closing ceremonies.

In case you’ve never participated in a Pub Crawl Scavenger Hunt (this was my first time), here’s how it works:

• Rule #1 – No driving.  Everything was within about a 10-block radius and you’d be walking no more than about 3 blocks between bars so taxis weren’t even needed.
• At each bar you would get a clue telling you what bar to go to next – This was very easy as they gave you a picture of the bar and a clue.  They knew they were creating a scavenger hunt for drunks.
• You also get a piece of paper with approximately 10 trivia questions at each bar.  These trivia questions could be about the history of the bar, about sports, about music – anything that relates to the bar itself.
• Then you have to take a picture with your team and one of the bar’s icons (for instance the giant painting of JFK on the wall at The Hub) and email it to the event organizers.
• We also had to take a picture of our team on the walking bridge across the highway (this is how they prevent you from just running across the highway while drinking – smart people organized this)
• They gave each team a mylar M&M balloon that they had to keep alive the entire night, this lead to many interactions with other teams trying to break each other’s balloons.
• They also spelled out the words “Bud Lights” (the hunt was sponsored by the local Anheuser-Busch distributor) and for extra credit you had to collect something that started with each letter. 

The extra-credit items were the most fun to collect.  We started off collecting somewhat mundane things but in the end we had some rather hilarious items.  Since one of the letters was “U” every team we ran into had at least one person who would come up to us and say “I don’t have any underwear on! I donated it to the cause!”  Oh, well, thank you for sharing. 

We opted not to go for underwear.  We went classy and got a urinal cake instead.  No no, we didn’t pry it from a urinal.  We asked our bartender friend to give us a fresh one.  At least I’m pretty sure that’s how it went down.  I wasn’t part of the process of procuring the urinal cake. 

I went classier and bought a Lifestyles Condom from a bathroom condom vending machine so we would have an “L”.  That’s me baby - all class, all the time.

Throughout the course of 5.5 hours, our team visited 10 bars, answered all of our questions, ate greasy bar food and came up with some great extra credit items. 

The highlights of the event:

• Seeing old friends I haven’t seen in years.
• Meeting new people.
• Playing with a lightsaber.
• My buddy Phin getting a tattoo in the midst of our hunt.  (We used “Tattoo receipt” for our extra credit “T”)  No seriously, this really happened.
• Running away from my team at one of our last bars.
• Finding our other team while I was running away from my own.
• Using the fire exit and setting off the alarm at one of the bars.  Twice.
• Sitting under a table with our other team’s Team Captain at the closing ceremony talking about what horrible Team Captains we are - right as they announced - 

WE WON! 

You would have thought that we had won the lottery with the way we were cheering. 

We collected our prize and ran outside to leap up and down with joy and count out our money.  And I mean we stood outside screaming out “20-40-60…” and on until we got to $500. 

We also might have set a world record for quantity, quality, and volume of "Woo"s in a 15-minute time frame.  Oh, who am I kidding? I didn't stop "Woo"ing until I fell asleep.

Then we went to the local karaoke bar to drink celebratory shots and to lift our voices up in joy.  I sang.  I don’t remember what exactly.  But I definitely sang. 

We were back to the barpartment by 11pm, enjoying leftovers from lunch and ready to pass out fall asleep. 

I’m sure this day doesn’t sound that extraordinary to a lot of people, but the all-day camaraderie and teamwork was just freakin fun.  Running all over downtown on our mission, meeting people we’d never met before, going to new places, spending time with people I love – it was just all freakin fantastic – all topped off by winning. 

And damn, do I love winning.

Highfives,

Annie Jay

Thursday is Officially the Most Random Day of the Week

Ever since Daylight Savings Time ended I’ve been feeling like the workdays just drag on.  So every time the weekend rolls around I get soooo happy!  But this weekend is even better! My big brother, Clockwork, is coming home to celebrate our mom’s birthday and Thanksgiving.  I can’t wait to spend time with my big bro :-)

Francesca and I had quite the interesting night last night.  We went for a drive in the countryside, in which I tried to tell her how much she means to me.  I said, “You know, Francesca, you’re an awesome friend.  I’ve been depressed and you brought me things to cheer me up and spent time with me.  I love you – you’re a great friend.”  Heartfelt.  Sincere.   That’s what I was going for, anyway.

But because Francesca is a cold and unfeeling cockface, she responded to my outpouring with raucous sardonic laughter and said “Really?  We’re going to do this?”  Well, I guess not.

We also had many margaritas and free chicken wings at a restaurant known for its free chicken wings on Thursday nights and for its lousy service.  (You can read about the first time we went there and how awesome we used to think it was if you click here.) We visited our friend, The Green Giant and played with his adorable pit bulls while his band played guitar riffs and talked about music.  I stole a baby from his spider plant as we walked out the door and then Francesca and I joked about how I had just raped the plant. 

Because rape jokes are only funny when you’re stealing spider plant babies.

After all of these adventures we ended up in the basement of my barpartment where we met friends for cheap beer and laughter.  What ended up happening goes against the content of the last two posts – because what happens when you say you’re going to take a break from dating? A cute (but significantly older) man strikes up a conversation with you at a bar.

Francesca and I had this conversation today:

Me:

So… was that guy last night cute or did I have major beer goggles on?

Francesca:

Too funny, I was just about to email you and ask about your new friend.  He was decent looking.  How late did you stay at the bar talking to him? 

Also, you raped a plant last night.

Me:

LMAO I went into my kitchen this morning (Which, by the way is an even bigger looking disaster after drunkenyl making Asian Cabbage Salad at 1am in the morning  for my work potluck today.) and saw my little spider plant seedling sitting in a cup of water to sprout and I was like “Oh yeah, that’s right.  I pillaged a plant of its baby last night.”  I wonder if they have separation anxiety… 

And I was in the bar until about 12:15 talking to him.  Then I said I had to call it a night and he walked out with me.  I went to my car to get the stuff for my cabbage salad (which I almost had forgotten about) and he walked with me.  He asked for my phone number and then we hugged.  I think he wanted to kiss me but I dodged it – I’m not a kissing hussy… most of the time.  We’ll see if he texts me.

Francesca:

LOL nice.  I thought you were “taking a break” from dating – like, as of yesterday.  Then you go and give your number out!

Me:

1. He asked me for it.  I did not “give it out”.  You make it sound like I’m walking around with a billboard that says: “TO DATE ME, CALL: 563-XXX-XXXX”

2. I didn’t kiss him.

3. I will not pursue anything with him, but if he pursues me, what’s a girl to do?

Francesca:

4. Plus, he was cute.

Me:

Right??

Francesca:

And you were talking guns with him at the bar.

Me:

Hahahaha I am a charmer, thankyouverymuch.  I actually forgot about that.  I need to use that as a conversation starter again…if only I could remember how that conversation got started… but I know it ended with me showing him the picture of us with like 5 billion guns.

Francesca:

I really wanted to stay in bed this morning and was totally jealous that The Bear got to go back to bed.  Jerk.

Me:

The Bear didn’t have to work today?  That’s good since he was dancing to Gangnam Style – outside the front door of the bar.  By himself. 

Francesca:

Yes, that is the man I love - dancing to Gangnam Style outside of a bar on a Thursday night at 10pm. 

Me:

You two are perfect for each other.

So our security system is acting up and the reactions are hilarious.  This morning we got an email telling us the doors on first floor weren’t unlocking so if you were down there and wanted to come up you should use the elevator.  So Rachel wasn’t very happy about this because, you know, she’s afraid of spontaneously becoming pregnant and giving birth while trapped in an elevator.  She also said “I hope they’re fixed by 3 so we will be able to leave!” I explained that we can still get out.  

This afternoon we got an email telling us the elevator isn’t working either.  So now everyone is freaking out about not being able to leave.  I pretty much yelled at everyone and said, “This place isn’t the Hotel California, people!  Calm down!” 

Francesca:

You can clock out anytime you like, but you can never leave!

~~~~~~~~~

Have a great weekend everyone!

Kissykissy,

Annie Jay

Let's Just Go to Stepford, I Hear The Ladies Are Real Nice There

The other day my friend, Javier, told me he is often afraid that our conversations are going to end up on this blog… I guess he was right!

On Sunday, some friends met at my place before going out to a hungover post-Halloween-party lunch.  Javi was half an hour early.  He called me and without even muttering a greeting he said, “Come unlock your downstairs door already.  The sun is really bright.”

So, in the midst of barrel-curling my hair (you know the look, half of my hair piled unceremoniously on top of my head in a ratty mess, the other half falling down my back in too-tight ringlets in desperate need of combing out) I walked down the stairs in the dark because even the dim stairwell lights were too harsh in my hungover state.  I opened the front door.

I immediately recoiled from the light. 

I might have even hissed at it.

“Yeah. I wasn’t lying!” He said as he pushed through the door and joined me in the safety of the dark stairwell. 

After we trudged up the stairs, I went back to my routine of getting ready and trying not to puke.  Javier paced/sat outside of the bathroom and talked to me about his dating woes.

Like most of my male friends, Javi is straight (because having 50 straight males in her life who are just friends is exactlty what every straight female wants).  He’s also well-educated but likes to say the word “fuck” a lot and drink often.  In short, he’s just like me. 

Well… except for the male part.  I’m penis-free. 

*ahem*

He’s also mostly enlightened about equality and not misogynistic.  Which is why this statement coming out of his lips caught me so by surprise:

“I just need a quiet girl who will do everything I want and won’t fight with me.  Is that so much to ask for?”  He laughed when I glared at him and he added, “Please, the thing that sucks about this town is that all of the women I meet are intelligent and independent as hell.”

I told him they just don’t make ‘em like they used to and suggested that he go back to 1950 because I’m sure this town was full of that type of woman back then.  Then we talked a little bit about time travel (because I’m an easily side-tracked nerdy girl) but eventually it came back around to the idea of relationships.

“Every woman I meet wants a man who is the same way – willing to do everything she says he should do without question.  We all want a lap dog.”  He said to me.

And he was kind of right, as far as I was concerned.

Now of course we don’t all really sit around thinking “If only I could find a mindless automaton to hold me when I cry and keep me sexually satisfied.”  Well... most of us don’t, anyway.

But there is a certain truth to the idea that many of us are looking for someone who will fit perfectly into our already-established lifestyles and habits without us needing to change or modify or adjust anything we currently do.  But of course this is never the case.

When branching out into a new relationship both parties need to be aware that changes and compromises are going to have to happen on both sides – because we aren’t all just mindless sex-bots designed solely for the purpose of giving blow-j’s.  We’re thinking, feeling, motivated, dreaming, wishing, hoping skin sacks that need freedom and stimulation in order to grow into the totally kickass human beings we’re capable of becoming. 

A lot of times when I start to date someone and he asks me what my plans are for the weekend I panic, thinking, “How dare he threaten to take up my precious weekend time??”

How absurd is this?  I want to be in a relationship but I don’t want to sacrifice any of my free time to do it.  I want a man who will respond to a little copper bell that I can ring anytime I feel like doing couple-y stuff and leave me alone when I want to be without him.

*sigh*

What I really need to find is someone who meshes so well with me, with my friends, with my need for alone time and together time, that I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing myself – or at least like the sacrifices I’m making are worth it in the long run.

Or maybe I just want a sex-bot.

Much Love,

Annie Jay

Ghosts, Ghouls, and Drunken Antics

Before I get into my real post (it isn’t even really a real post anyway) –

If I could marry my bed, I think I would.  It’s so so so comfortable and on these chilly days it’s so cozy under my mound of blankets and surrounded by my piles of pillows.  Plus, Henry’s a good cuddler.

(The fact that I felt the need to post this in my blog for posterity should show you just how seriously in love with my bed I am.)

********** Oh, one more random thing **********

I don’t know what I did to my foot/ankle two Fridays ago but it’s definitely not good.  It is all kinds of sprained/pulled/I-don’t-know-what-but-it-hurts-like-a-mothafucka.

This week the swelling has finally dissipated so I no longer have that throbbing feeling going on, but it’s almost worse now because of the constant burning I feel anytime I don’t have my foot in exactly the right position or put weight on it for more than 10 minutes. 

Because of this, I haven’t been to my kickboxing class in two weeks and I’m mad about it.  I know it’ll eventually heal but I’m too scared of injuring it worse to go to a class where I have to jump and run and – hell, even being on my feet that long is terribly painful. 

I’m trying my best to keep things in perspective – like how I could deal with this every day like my best friend does.  As if I needed more reasons to respect her, every time I get an injury like this it reminds me that she has to put up with pain every day - and she pretty much never whines.  Time to let her strength (that eternal strength that seems to always radiate from her) teach me how it’s done.

********** Now for the real post, which isn’t really a real post anyway. **********

Halloween is so totally my favorite holiday and this year didn't disappoint.

Thanks to everyone who came to Absolutely the Only Halloween Party You’re Going To! 

First, the party was a blast but - holy potatoes! - my apartment was a wreck!  Note to self: the next time I have a huge bowl of candy around a group of drunkards I will also strategically place garbage cans everywhere.  Not to mention the beer cans and rocks glasses sitting on every available surface (including the floor)…

Thankfully I had motivation to clean last night when, sitting in my pajamas watching TV at 7:30, I got a phone call from a boy who wanted to come over and hang out.  You would not believe how quickly you can clean an apartment, re-dress yourself, apply make-up and curl your hair when you have the right motivation.  If this hadn’t happened I’m sure the place would be trashed until the next party. 

Secondly, I’m sorry to everyone who had to put up with me toward the end of the night when we were downtown.  Especially Francesca and the Bear for giving me a ride home even when I was being… difficult.

And that bachelor party who were wearing bathrobes as costumes – I’m sorry for telling you that they were the lamest costumes I’d ever seen.  I have no idea who you were, or why the Groom-to-be kept looking at me with murderous rage in his eyes, but I assure you, I didn’t mean any of it – whatever it was I said/did.  And that I remember very little other than that you were tall and manly looking.  You could have been mountain trolls and I wouldn’t have known any better.  Hell, for all I know none of this actually happened and it was just a dream.  Except I’m pretty sure it happened.

And the numerous people I bit.  I already enjoy randomly biting people enough, I shouldn’t dress as a vampire and add alcohol to the mix - it just makes everything more fun worse.  I’m sorry and I hope I did didn’t bruise any of you.

Thirdly, thanks to Javier for deciding he needed to get me drunk – when I was already drunk.  I’m not sure what it says about his state of mind at the time that he didn’t recognize Drunk Ann when he saw her, but I blame him for everything I did on Saturday night after 11pm.  Including the time around 1am when I was apparently alone, wandering the streets texting everyone I knew – including Javier who got the ever so friendly, “Sucka!”  Apparently I already knew it was his fault that I was drunk and alone on Halloween.  (Don’t worry, I found my friends soon enough.  Or at least I found people in costumes that reminded me of my friends who drove me home and didn’t murder me.  Thanks to those people!)

It certainly wasn’t the wildest Halloween I’ve ever had (that weekend in Madison with the girls when we were freshly 21 comes to mind… or that Halloween a couple of years ago that… well… we’ll just be quiet about that Halloween) but it was definitely a good time.  Maybe.

…Can anyone tell me if it was a good time?

Much love,

Annie Jay

P.S. – There’s music and costumes at the Hook tomorrow night.  I’m thinking about donning my costume and heading out.  Let me know if you want to come along!

P.P.S. (but only for fellow video game nerds) – Assassin’s Creed 3 comes out today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (There really aren't enough exclamation marks in the world to express my excitement) I've been done with Italy and Constantinople for a while now.  Time to move on to a new character and a new world.  WOOO!  I'm heading to Video Games Etc. right after work to get my copy.

Blissfully Busy

Hi friends! 

Before I get into the next “grown-up” topic that I want to talk about I’m going to give you a quick recap of last weekend because I talked about a lot of stuff that I had going on in the last post and I have some other random updates I want to talk about.

Here we go!

My grandmother’s service was beautiful.  The preacher (I have no idea what the Methodists call him, I’m sorry) gave everyone who wanted to speak an opportunity to do so.  It was wonderful to hear to many memories be shared about someone who means so much to all of us.  I am happy that in the end, she was remembered not for her painful last few years, but for the graceful woman she was in the first 80 years of her life. 

One more time: Seriously, much love and thanks to all of you who supported me and my family this last week.  You guys are so fracking amazing.

The Fancy Pants Party this last weekend was fabulous!  You all looked so very dreamy :-) My camera died a while ago and my cell phone decided to start taking really crappy pictures, so I only got a few very blurry, poorly lit pictures of everyone, but believe me when I say that I would've done each and every one of you (not at the same time! that's just gross).  Special thanks to that boy I like for making me feel ultra beautiful that night and yesterday when he sent me this picture he took when I wasn't paying attention (or when I was pretending not to pay attention, I can't remember):

And more special thanks to B for buying me a kick-ass cigar to go with my fancy duds.  I do like to puff on a fiiine cigar from time to time. (Just pretend you didn’t see this line, Mom)

With everyone looking so flashy, it was hard for me to decide who to take home at the end of the night, but I think I made the right decision ;-)

We’ve gotta do it again sometime soon. 

Saturday night I went out with my wild girls and we went absolutely loco (in the best possible way). 

But we started the night out at the Diamond Jo Casino’s dance club.  This is a club where they don’t allow the dueling pianos people to swear or play any music with swear words – isn’t part of the appeal of dueling pianos the bawdiness that can crop up??  On the weekends it’s the retro-themed Club 84. They do things like the electric slide and the hustle but very little bumpin and grindin (not to say the hustle and electric slide aren’t fun, it’s just not my idea of a fun night out).  It’s like their trying to be the Disney World of area nightclubs.

It’s all so family-friendly it makes me want to puke. 

They’re trying to be edgy but still appeal to the little 80-year old ladies who play the slot machines all day long.  I’m sorry, but you’re in a casino and trying to be a nightclub - let’s up the sex appeal, k?  As Amanda and Chris and I sat in a booth (trying to drink until it was fun) I took a picture and tweeted the following:

Having too much PG-rated fun at Club84 @DiamondJoDBQ #hustle #electricslide #isittimetorageyet http://t.co/fLAtSFV8 -- Annie Jay (@TheGrowUpPlan)

Apparently the Diamond Jo doesn’t understand sarcasm because they retweeted it to their followers.  OOPS!

But seriously, Diamond Jo, as far as local casinos go (yes there are two of them), you’ve got a lot going for you.  Your club could be awesome (it’s a beautiful space) but you keep trying to appeal to EVERYONE.  Why not try to appeal to just the under 50 crowd and say to hell with being granny-friendly? Put a little more seediness into your establishment and maybe I won’t groan every time someone tells me that we have to go there for a bachelorette party, or to meet up with some friend from out of town who thinks it’s going to be the bee’s knees.  

I go out to let loose, not to stay buttoned up, if you’re joint doesn’t let me be free, I’ll find somewhere else to go.  But maybe that's just me.

I’m starting an insanity exercise program in just a little over a week.  I’m absolutely terrified, but also really looking forward to it.  The only thing I’m seriously not looking forward to is that they make you take a picture in little short shorts and a sports bra your first day.  Um… please god no?  Also – I’m going to have to run a mile.  I haven’t done that in at least two years.  Please, send me positive energy on Saturday September 29 so that I don’t keel over from a heart attack.

Did you all have a lovely weekend?  Big plans coming up for the next weekend?  Let me know what’s going on, I’d love to join you!

Loves,

Annie Jay

I Got 99 Problems and They All Itches

No, that’s not a typo. 

Nor is that an exaggeration.

I didn’t die this weekend (surprisingly) but I did get eaten by mosquitoes.  Why did I count the bites?  Because they are so bad that I had to buy cream to put on them to stop the insane itching.  So the first thing I did yesterday was go to the drugstore and look for something to ease my pain.

I thought calamine lotion was going to do the trick – but then I got sidetracked by this box.

After 10 minutes of reading every anti-itch cream on the shelf, I
opted for the one with the picture of the mosquito on it.

Marketing ploys at their best.  Of course I bought it.  Did it work?  You bet your ass it did.

Anyway… you didn’t come to this blog looking for horror stories about me being eaten alive by mosquitoes.  You were looking for stories of the debauchery that took place at my motorcycle rally/camping party.

Because consumption of alcohol was the only activity high on the list of activities, I naturally took notes on my cell phone.  Reading through them made me laugh until I spit water all over my desk, so I’m just going to give you a few bullet points and random pictures.

The arena as seen from our campsite.  In case you didn't know,
the music was HOT.  As was the weather.

• The highlight of my Friday night experience was using the portapotty.  It was amazing.  I was the first person to use the one I went in.  It still smelled like sanitizer and was practically gleaming with cleanliness.
• On Saturday afternoon I almost gave up on the camping trip and went home.  Then the band started playing Journey and I thought “Alright, that’s pretty cool.”  Then I got apple pie shots.  Then the band started playing Rush and I decided the party was definitely on for the night.

We didn't bring a motorcycle with us but we did bring this old International
so we had some cred.  My bright orange Kia hatchback looked
awfully out of place with all the trucks, bike and RVs.

• One of my friends kept disappearing on us and wandering off to make friends.  By the end of Saturday night everyone was his best friend.  It became like a game of “Where’s Waldo?”  One moment we’d see him standing with a group of people, engaged in animated conversation and the next we’d see him dancing by the stage with a different group of people.
• I decided that if I ever write a book I’m going to call it Stories My Mother Would Never Want Me to Tell.

Since we're River People, when the weather got toasty and our hangovers
kicked in we headed to the river to get back our faith in the world.

• They had a stripper pole.  In a corn crib.  Let me say that again – they had a stripper pole in a corn crib.  Yes, we danced on it – all of us, the boys and the girls.  Waldo got a concussion trying to turn himself upside down.
• Our group imposed a Facebook embargo for the weekend.  And we all failed.  One of the best quotes was from Amanda at 10pm on Saturday, to me: “What are you doing on your cell phone?!? Are you on Facebook? You’d better be texting your ex-boyfriend!” This is probably the only time you will ever hear a girl telling another girl this is acceptable.

Because who wouldn't want a rifle lamp? This bar had five of them and they were all for sale. Because the only thing bikers like more than motorcycles are firearm-themed antiques.

• When I asked a metal boy who was walking around wrapped in a blanket why he was wrapped in a blanket at a party he responded “Because, Mama, I need someone to cuddle with me.  You want to cuddle with me, Mama?”  To which I politely responded “Oh, no thank you.”  After sitting by our fire talking to Amanda and me, this dude and his brother slept on the ground by our fire.  They asked us if this was ok, and we told them this was ok since our two boys (who were just our friends but we didn't need to tell them that) were already asleep inside the tent.
• I saw precisely 7 pairs of assless chaps in one bar.

So I’m alive.  However, I did give up the ghost on Sunday and went home before Skid Row.  I know. I suck.  But a gnat infestation in all of our food and beverage coolers, temperatures over 90 degrees, and lack of shade prompted me to just go home and relax for a full day of vacation in the comfort of my home.

I was really hoping that the fedora would send the wrong vibe to the guys at this event.  Apparently it was exactly the right vibe - the "Yes I'll go for a drunken ride with you and definitely sleep in a field with you" vibe.

All in all it was beautiful – though I am sorry I missed out on getting to ride a motorcycle for the first time in my life.  Some drunk country boys offered to take me on one Saturday night but for some reason that just didn’t seem like a good idea…

Hope you had a fab Labor Day!

Hearts,

AJ