Thursday, February 21, 2013

I Miss Smoking

Mmmmmmmm. Delicious.(Also, please let me know if this is
your picture, I couldn't find the source to credit it to)
It’s been around 5 months since I started quitting smoking cigarettes.  

At this point in time, I consider myself a nonsmoker. (YAY!)

Yes, I still have a puff or two if I’m out drinking, but I don’t count those because 1.) they almost always taste disgusting and, 2.) I think I’ll always allow myself a drag if I feel like I really can’t be without it – the stress of trying to completely say no to my urges is harder than having one puff and not enjoying it.  

Plus, my friends won't let me do more than take just one puff and sometimes they even deny me that.  Depending on the amount of alcohol I've had this either makes them amazingly awesome friends or the biggest dickfaces I've ever met.  When I'm sober I know it's a sign that we're growing up because we support each other in our attempts to kick the habit - it used to be that you'd say "Aww come on, it's just one drunken cigarette! You'll go back to quitting tomorrow!"

Which is just like what I do with heroin.  Just one little stick in the veins a week is ok, right?

That’s a joke.

We all know it's never just one stick with heroin.

Cigarette addiction not = Heroin addiction


*ahem* Anyway...

The more time that passes I’m realizing more and more things that I miss about being a smoker.  If you’ve never been a smoker or if you didn’t smoke for a very long time or if you’re just, ya know, not me, maybe this list isn’t going to make any sense to you.  That’s ok, it makes sense to me.

Things I Miss About Smoking:

  1. Having an excuse to stand outside in adverse weather conditions without people looking at you like you’re crazy.  I love to be outside in the rain or snow and I used to go outside for a smoke in order to enjoy the weather.  Now I’m just a freak standing in the snow/rain… not that that’s stopping me.
  2. Having an excuse to roll my car window down in adverse weather conditions.  See above.
  3. The Smoker's Patio.  I miss standing outside of bars and talking to people without having to shout over the noise of drunken frat boys playing Foosball or some half-cracked indie band trying to wow everyone with their lackadaisical tunes.  The Smoker's Patio outside of a bar is also a place where some of the best stunts and drunken hijinks take place.  At work, the smoke break is one of the best places to trade NSFW stories with coworkers.  Some of my best conversations have taken place and some of my best relationships have been formed on the Smoker’s Patio.
  4. Giving uppity maafuckas that look.  Y'all know what I'm talking about.  You're standing outside having a smoke and some dickface walking by glares at you and fakes an obnoxiously loud cough.  You're obviously the scourge of the earth because you're smoking a cigarette.  You know cigarettes can kill you, right?  Obviously you're a dangerous maafucka and you should stop living and taking up space and resources that could be used by good people and kittens.  When I'd get that look, I'd smile my most "Yeah, I am that dangerous maafucka" smile at them (it's mostly in the eyes) and kind of shift my body in their direction.  Nothing, big.  Nothing threatening.  Just enough.  Just enough to make them think "Okay, I'm not gonna fuck with that chick.  I'd better go home and hug my babies and stop judging them based on their recreational activities.."
  5. Smoking just looks cool.  I'm sorry.  I know.  I know.  In this day in age, we're not supposed to think smoking looks cool.  But it does.  It just fucking looks cool.  You're James Dean or Marilyn Monroe.  You're maafuckin President Obama.
  6. Knowing what would kill me.  Lung cancer, emphysema, pneumonia.  All of those things were just waiting outside my door like "Hey, yo, we'll be there soon."  And I was all like "That's cool yo, I'll be waiting.  Just don't bring Dementia to the party."  Give me cancer, please don't take my mind from me.  None of the five billion diseases associated with smoking scare me half as much as the likelihood that I'm going to get Senile Dementia.  

So there are some things I miss about smoking. It's not everything.  Gods know it's impossible to put some of the feelings of withdrawal and "I'm losing my fucking mind" into words that other people can understand.  

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever stop missing smoking.  Probably.  Probably when it's been a longer span of time, or when I'm exposed to fewer people who smoke.

But just to remind myself, here's another list.

Things I Love About Not Smoking:
  1. Asthma is less of a bitch. There's really no order to this list, I love all of these things in an indeterminate order.  Except this.  I love this SO much.  I can breathe.  Good gods - I. CAN. BREATHE.  Yes, it was stupid for an asthmatic to ever start smoking in the first place.  Yes I should've known better.  But I also started smoking to begin with so let's just stop those lectures right there.  Before I quit smoking I would have asthma attacks frequently.  But since I started quitting smoking, I've had only one asthma attack - in 5 months.  EFF YES.
  2. Saving Money!  If I was crunched on money for a week I'd still have to make sure I set aside enough money for smokes.  Now, I am all like "Daaamn, look at all this mooooney!!"
  3. Washing my hair less frequently.  (If you're not a girl, just skip this one.)  I already have dry curly hair.  The last thing hair like that needs it to be washed on a daily basis.  I used to stretch it for a couple of days but I knew that my hair was probably soaking up that cigarette stench faster than anything.  Now I can go a whole week without having to harsh out my hair with over-washing.
  4. Singing.  I've been a singer since I was a little kid and my papa and I would go into the Music Room in our basement where all of his musical equipment was set up.  He'd play guitar, we'd both sing (to this day, this is one of my fondest memories).  I was in choir in school and extracurricular choirs from the time I was 7 or 8 until I quit school at 19.  I was a Soprano in high school and I lost my vocal range as soon as I started smoking.  I finally have it back! Now, when we go to the karaoke bar (which, let's face it is 1-2 times a week since Francesca works there) I don't have to hold myself back from singing certain songs that might be out of my range.  I even get complete strangers requesting that I sing certain songs for them and I don't have to turn them away.  I love to sing and I love the flexibility my vocal cords have once again!
  5. I smell better.  And by that I mean my sense of smell is better.  Let's face it, with the allergies I have I am rarely able to smell anything, but since I've quit smoking I can actually smell things I never used to be able to.  Although there are times when this is not a positive change...
  6. My purse isn't full of little tobacco flakes.  This is definitely something you won't understand if you're not a girl who has been a smoker.  But it used to be that any time I'd put anything in my purse it would come out with little tobacco leaves on it.  Cans of soda, pieces of mail, bottles of water, tissues - it'd all be covered in tobacco leaves.  Now, I can put anything in my purse and never have to worry about it picking up debris while it's in there.
There we have it!  I miss smoking - A LOT.  But I'm not about to forget all of the things I've gained now that I've quit.  

For those of you out there who still smoke, I feel ya and you've got no judgments from me.  In fact, you can expect to see me staring at you lustily every time you light up.

But if you want to quit - and yes, you really can't quit unless you really want to - I'm here for you.  We can stand outside in the snow/rain/hail and look like crazy people together.

Annie Jay


  1. I don't miss smoking but like you, I sometimes don't deny myself a puff if I've been drinking. But then I quit like 5 years ago.

    I was always a stress smoker though.

    Keep up the good work!!!

    1. 5 years! I can't wait to get to that point! I'm definitely never going back to smoking, but jeez it's hard! I've been a stress smoker and a drinking smoker, those are my two big things.

      And Thanks!!

  2. they say smoking is one of the hardest things to quit. I give people a lot a lot of credit who give it up. I wish my dad would do the same. Mazel to you!

    1. The psychological side of quitting is definitely the hard part. You don't realize all of the connections you've made to smoking until you try to quit.

      Thank you!!

  3. Good for you for quitting, even if it means losing some of the benefits. I always longed to be one of the "cool kids" with their laughing conversations on their smoke breaks. Granted, I've never been a part of the "cool kids" in any place so I doubt smoking would have made a difference. But it still looks like fun.

    1. I still tend to pop out to the smoker's patio even if I'm not smoking, so I *sometimes* get to be a cool kid again, but lemme tell ya, it's not as easy being cool as it once was! ;-p