Not All Tornadoes Go to Oz

First things first – I had the most lack-luster make-out dream ever last night.  No, no, not a sex dream - just a good ol’ make-out dream. 

A boy (will I still be calling them boys when I’m 60 years old?) I have a crush on was hanging out with me, then we started making out and it was… well… blah.  Even in the dream world, my internal dialogue was all clinical and “Ahh, yes, there is a tongue in my mouth and scratchy man-face against mine.  That’s what is happening.  I guess I can allow this to continue and study the effects of this tongue and man-face for a little longer.” 

So I woke up about as far from hot and bothered as it gets.  And really, I guess that’s not such a terrible thing.  But really, Mr. Dream?  Let’s work on the fantasy a bit, mmmk?

In other news - We had tornado warnings allll over the place Wednesday night.  I think the sirens sounded off four times between 5pm-9pm.  When the sirens go off it means that either a tornado has been sighted, or a thunderstorm severe enough to cause a tornado with some swirly clouds (that’s the technical term, btw) has been spotted nearby.  You are supposed to take cover.

Iowa as a whole mostly looks just like this.

Flat.  Flat.  Flat.

Prime tornado country.

But Dubuque – Ahh, good ol’ Dubuque.  With our Mighty Mississippi barrier to the East and rolling river-valley hills to the West, Dubuquers tend to feel impenetrable when it comes to tornadoes.  For most of my life tornado sirens have been met by the locals with an uncontrollable urge to go stand outside and dare the bastardly tornado to even just try to fuck with our city.

But then I started living alone.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but living alone leaves me with this fear of dying alone and my family not being able to find my body and well… let’s just say it causes me to be a tidbit overreaction-y.

The first time the sirens went off Wednesday night, I was home alone.  I was sitting on my couch reading Insurgent (which is good and you should read the first book Divergent if you haven’t) so I was already tense with adrenaline and kind of living in a post-apocalyptic world in my head.   Then the sirens started blaring outside of my windows and rain came pouring down.

Of course, I stayed calm.

Calm like a dragon in a straw-hut village.

I quickly changed out of my work clothes into jeans, a t-shirt, a sweatshirt and hiking shoes.  Then I put all of this stuff in my Camelbak:

No, I have no idea how I got it all in there along with three liters of water.  Decades of playing Tetris, perhaps? 

Yes, I might have been a bit over-prepared for a tornado.  Because even if a tornado were to strike, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be like the apocalypse so most some of those things might not have been absolutely necessary.

But I think it’s safe to say I’ve got fire covered. 

And gigantic sword-y-knife-y-thingies that are completely impractical but are also kind of my security blanket.  So SUCK IT.

Then I walked downstairs to go chill out in my building’s basement just like every other overly (and impractically) prepared person would do.  But when I got there, I saw that a lot of my neighbors were sitting around in the basement, looking bored and playing on their cellphones.  When I walked in, completely geared up, they all looked at me with more than a little bit of fear in their eyes.

It didn’t help that my allergies were so bad that I was completely makeup-free and hair-product-free so I looked like… well… like this –

I wouldn't say this is the LEAST attractive picture ever taken of me, but it's right up there.

And that’s when my fear of rejection won out over my fear of death.  So I decided to do what every good Dubuquer does –

I went and stood outside to look for tornadoes.

And as usual, we were protected from the tornadoes once again. 

Han came over after the first tornado scare and we hung out watching Game of Thrones (OMFG SEASON 3!!).  His addition to my party of one emboldened me and every time the sirens went off for the rest of the night, we just simply walked outside to check out the weather.  Doing so ended up being the right choice because once the torrential downpours stopped, t was damn pretty outside.  We stood outside and watched the lightning exploding in the sky for a half hour and I took some pictures.

You'd think he was posing for the picture

I dare you to use that water-logged walkway

At least now I know that I have the mental capacity even when panicked to pick up at least some stuff that might help me survive if the situation should arise. 

Zombie Apocalypse?  Come at me bro!

I hope you’re all surviving your own spring weather!

Much Love,

Annie Jay