Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Navigating The Friend Zone

I spend my time in the company of many men.

Oh Jesus…that is not supposed to sound nearly so “I rent hotel rooms by the hour”. 

We’re off to a good start here.  *ahem*


Dudes - I hang out with a lot of them.  I like to play video games; talk about sci-fi and politics; and have a dark sense of humor - these are all things that I find more commonly in men than I do in women (please forgive me for making gender-biased generalizations).  

Plus, men are just nicer to look at ;-)

This is always how my life has been and it’s been pretty damn good for the most part.  But the problem with this is that at all times, there's almost always someone stuck in… drum roll please…

The Friend Zone

Those of you who have lived in some mythical fairyland where the people you lust after lust after you equally - or who have been happily married since you were five-years-old - might not really understand the consequences of being in The Friend Zone.  

The Friend Zone is that dreadful limbo where you are stranded after meeting the man/woman of your dreams.  You begin to fantasize about a life together - a life filled with shared XboxLive accounts; couples' vacations to Comi-Con; and finally living that Han Solo/Princess Leia fantasy.

But then reality sinks in and instead of falling passionately in love, you fall madly into a brotherly friendship where high fives are the closest you’re going to get to bumpin and grindin.

We’ve all been there.  Every single one of us has at one point or another been in The Friend Zone.  I think I can also say with confidence that we have all, at some time in our lives put someone in The Friend Zone. 

None of us enjoy being there but we all tolerate it. Why?

We tolerate it because being granted with the company of the object of our affections is better than being shunned by him/her altogether.  And we just know that time - sigh - time is all we need.  We'll keep plodding along with the “friendship”.  We'll keep dropping everything and everyone to spend five minutes with our Friend.  We just know that if we're able to keep up the “friendship” that one day the stars will align and he/she will realize the mad love he/she has for us after all!

Because that's the beauty of The Friend Zone; it's never really about the friendship, it's about hope.  It’s about the hope that one day they will see you the way you see them.

So we live on in this charade of "friendship" and continue to pine away; chipping away at our souls bit by bit each day.

We laugh awkwardly and smash TVs whenever they mention a new romantic interest.  We hope that one day they’ll be drunk enough to awkwardly make out with us and awaken the sexual tension that has been brewing for years.  When we are on vacation, we dream about the return flight and how they’ll be waiting at the gate for us with tears in their eyes and a sign that says “Friendship Isn’t Enough”. 

We’re waiting for that grand awakening moment.





Whether or not that day ever comes, I can guarantee you that it will never happen if you just continue to hang on to your fantasy.  Maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t.  But sitting around, waiting for that person to finally come to their senses is only hurting you in the long run.  They aren’t ready to wake up and see the awesomesauce that is you.

But someone else is.

I can guarantee you that someone else out there right now is looking for the Princess Peach to their Mario.  But you’re not going to see them if you keep holding on to your fantasies about your Friend.

Get out of The Friend Zone and throw your hot ass back into the world of single, smart, beautiful people just waiting to throw you against the wall and have their way with you until Happily Ever After.

Much Love,
Annie Jay

PS – You really have no idea how many “hand job” jokes I had to edit out of this piece.  I’m trying to class this joint up.  You’re welcome.


  1. Welcome to my life. Most of my friends are men and my best friend and I have had a long standing tension issue where neither of us are willing to disrupt the status quo on the chance it doesn't work so we do nothing and then we randomly cuddle on the couch and it's just confusing and annoying. And then he annoys me and I violently massacre him in a video game in retribution.


    1. Hahaha oooooh I know that feeling. If you're anything like me that also means you subconsciously also compare other men you date to your best friend and if they can't measure up, you ditch them. We are such fools some times! I try really really hard not to go this route but damn, it is tough!!

    2. Yup. Totally compare all guys to him. He's also a dude version of me so part of me realizes i'll never find another guy that I have THIS much in common with. Hence why he's my best friend.

  2. Great post! I have lots of guy friends I keep in the friend zone in spite of their hints that they would like to test the waters on the other side. I have told these individuals we are just friends, so anything else is on them! I've also been put in the friends zone before, but I think I've managed to make those visits brief and let go of the infatuation if it wasn't going anywhere, EVENTUALLY. :)

    1. Oh bluemoon, I know what you mean. I got rather ticked off at my best friend's wedding in April because after they'd spent the evening enjoying the free keg of Bluemoon (hehe lovely coincidence!) I had 3 of my male friends hitting on me - so much so I tried to avoid them for the rest of the night... Oi!

      And good on you for knowing when to end it - I've been known to linger for looong spans of time in the Friend Zone. Until I was 20ish, that was pretty much all I knew of relationships!

  3. So true and well put. You forgot to mention watching RomComs just knowing that someday everything will fall into place and your life will be perfect. Oh, how Hollywood does prey on our fantasies, for better and for worse.

    1. Haha I thought about adding the RomComs but I figured everyone was expecting it - The Friend Zone is allll about reality not matching up with expectations.

  4. Interesting! I have almost NO male friends, aside from the Sig O's of my girlfriends and a couple of gay guys. I've always just been a girly girl. But at the same time, an ideal relationship would be one where we're really good friends first.